A Preface to Joining
From JUOD
A Preface to Joining is the first volume of The Verities of Joining, the epic masterwork of Harley P. Mathewson. As the first volume, it was begun when Mathewson was only seven years old, and shows his precociousness as well as his immaturity. It contains much of the philosophical basis and root of the JUOD movement, as well as the essential differences between joining and death.
Contents |
The Work
Opening
The Preface begins:
Joining is life, life joining.
That is all you know on Earth, and all you need to know.
The volume then returns to prose:
But if you want to know more, then here's a preface to what will surely be the best work of all time, period. So much better than all those picture books my mom reads to me before I go to sleep or those stupid pamphlets that doodyhead Jimmy reads.
The volume oscillates between poetry and prose. Immediately after this prose passage, Mathewson inexplicably begins rhyming, only to return to prose again. It is a constant theme, as if he could not decide how exactly to write it.
Joining
"If Joining is life," Mathewson writes, "Then not joining must be death. Duh." Curiously, Mathewson only defines joining as "not not joining," which he defines as "being a virgin-douche bag" (see below). He discourses on all things joinish, which for him at the time were "toys and candy, or other fun stuff, like mud."
Not Joining
Mathewson simply defines this as "not not not joining." He said it "brings swift death." For some odd reason, Mathewson then discourses on something else, making up new words and sentences as he proceeds through the section, possibly discussing recipes for stews.
Fake Joining
Most likely, this section was added later. Mathewson uses the example of Grimke Swan to illustrate fake joining, which he defines as "pretending to join, but really not joining, as you say you join but exhibit nothing joinish. Rather you act like a virgin-douche bag."
Copies
There exists only three complete copies. The first Mathewson is rumored to keep on his person at all times. The second supposedly resides with Mathewson's treasure. And the third has been floating around antiquities dealers and the black market for years, with only partial viewings. Still, thanks to Mathewson often quoting from it, and other works of commentary upon it, it is possible to form a coherent version of the volume.
