Ders-muus-eh
From JUOD
Ders-muus-eh is the radical offshoot Mathewsonism founded by Muhammad Jones, a loyal follower of the early Church of Mathewsonism. Ders-muus-eh follows the arabic translation of the Verities of Joining and, as a result, is quite popular in the Middle East.
Etymology of Ders-muus-eh
The name for the Mathewsonist sect is a combination of New Canadianese words. Thanks to Mathewson's Dictionary scholars have been able to translates the literal meaning of Ders-muus-eh to "There are moose, correct?" Many scholars propose that this name was meant to be taken as an insult to Mathewson's Arabic followers, but Mathewson staunchly denies this pointing out that compound words and allusion are not permitted in New Canadianese. Instead he claims that at the time of the translation he was also working on a poetry collection largely dedicated to describing "the complex and majestic beauty of the Canadian moose as well as the deliciousness of shortstacks" and made the titling mistake after an exhausting session of joinercising. Consequentially his poetry collection, although rare, can be found published with the Arabic equivalent for the Verities of Joining.
Arabic Verities
As Mathewson grew tired of Mathewsonism's "churchy nonsense" he began working on three transaltions of the Verities to give to his three remaining disciples. For Muhammad Jones, Mathewson made an Arabic translation of his life's work. Unfortuanately for the Church, and for the many who needlessly die at the hands of Ders-muus-eh, Mathewson only knew three or four arabic words when he began translating. Instead of struggling for years trying to master the language so as to provide the best possible translation, Mathewson decided to just wing it.
First, Mathewson decided to fit all of the arabic words he knew into the Verities as he saw appropriate. So The Proposition became "Jihad us... or die!!!1", "Hoopla, Shim-Sham & Gobbledygook" (Volume XV) became "Dirka, Dirka, & Dirka", and changed every reference to himself to " Mathammadson". Mathewson then began to replace every word in the original Verities with the literal translation of Arabic.
Another trouble with the arabic translation of the Verities is that Jones, who was responsible for preaching this version, was a fifth generation immigrant and did not speak a word of Arabic either.
The Ders-muus-eh Proposition
Scholars believe that the largest flaw, and discredit to Ders-muus-eh as a mainstream religion, is the gross misinterpretation of the Proposition. According to the Arabic translation of the Verities, the proposition changed from "Join us... or die!!!1" to "Jihad us... or die!!!1" Muhammad Jones, a simpleton, interpreted this literally and preaches that message to his followers. He claims if someone will not declare a holy war on the Ders-muus-eh sect, then they will receive death. He also teaches that members of Ders-muus-eh are the ones who should deliver the death. Many scholars view this to be a lose-lose situation to anyone who is approached by a member of Ders-muus-eh. They are instructed to approach an individual and give them their proposition. If a person agrees to place a jihad on them, they will attempt to kill that person on the spot. If the person does not place an immediate jihad on the Ders-muus-eh member, they will once again attempt to kill that person on the spot. If the person somehow survives this initial attack, they will forever be pursued by Ders-muus-eh as either an act of Jihad, or an attempt to guarantee their proposition.
