Great Lollipop Massacre
From JUOD
The Great Lollipop Massacre refers to the mass murdering of munchkins by Harley P. Mathewson that occurred in the Land of Oz in the summer of 1959. Mathewson was stealing the Bubble Power from Glinda the Good Witch, and the munchkins attempted to stop him. They failed.
Background
After reading "The Wizard of Oz" by Frank L. Baum and seeing the feature film adaptation, Mathewson became convinced that there was a real land of Oz. He realized the potential for Bubble Travel, and decided to make it his own. A few scholars have suggested, based on evidence in The Verities of Joining, that Mathewson also wanted to acquire for himself an army of flying monkeys, but this remains unproven.
After purchasing houses in dozens of Kansas counties, including a few not far from his putative childhood home of Lenexa, Mathewson then spent a summer moving among them, awaiting a tornado to pick one of the houses up and take it to Oz. Eventually one did, and much to Mathewson's pleasure, it landed right upon Glinda the Good Witch, who ironically had been in the town of Munchkins celebrating the 20th anniversary of the death of the Wicked Witch.
Events Precipitating the Incident
Aghast but wary, many of the munchkins—especially the Lollipop Kids—treated Mathewson kindly, presuming that, like Dorothy, he had not landed his house with murderous intent. Their feelings quickly turned sour, however; after exiting the house and seeing Glinda's feet sticking out of the porch, Mathewson ran about, doing the "Dirty Bird" and yelling "TOUCHDOWN MATHEWSON!" Only after completing this celebration did Mathewson stop and survey the crowd.
According to the two survivors, Mathewson then launched into a lecture on his personal theory of the relation between height and feeble-mindedness, concluding that "the shorter the man, the feebler his mind." One of the Lollipop Kids spoke out in disagreement, but Mathewson immediately cast Lightning I, frying him.
Finally, Mathewson announced, "I have come for Glinda's Bubble Power." The Munchkins refused to service his demands and began to retaliate for their fallen comrade. Mathewson cast Luminaire, causing all munchkins with less than 500 HP to die immediately. He then finished off nearly all the remaining Munchkins while singing "Oompa Loompa."
Survivors
Only two munchkins survived the massacre. One of them stood on the other's shoulders and wore a long coat, so that together they appeared as a single grown man. Mathewson was apparently only interested in killing munchkins, and paid them no heed. Reportedly, the two have sworn revenge on Mathewson for their fallen comrades, and have possibly aligned themselves with STAL.
