Jesus of Nazareth
From JUOD
Jesus of Nazareth or Jesus Christ or, in some circles, Optimus Prime, is the main figure of the Christian religion, regarded by believers as the Son of God and mankind's savior. But in JUOD terminology, he is a notable proto-joiner whose message of joining his religious movement and gaining "eternal life" was a clear alternative to not joining, and thus, dying. (He essentially put joining and dying in an eschatological framework.)
Background
Naturally, Jesus was the son of a Joiner (or carpenter), named Joseph. Joseph supposedly imparted much joining wisdom on his son, which had a great influence on his teachings.
Further, according to many scholars, Jesus was a follower of John the Baptist before starting his own healing and preaching. John's message too involved much joinish philosophy, which centered on a Tremendous Feat of Joining, what John called a "baptism" and involved being dunked in the river Jordan (whose name would be incorporated into New Canadianese, roughly meaning "locus of joining" when used as a prepositional phrase in a periodic sentence). Jesus, too, would insist on baptism and other tremendous feats of joining during his preaching, after John was beheaded. Some of his feats later became known by other names: "the eucharist" and "the resurrection."
Teachings
Jesus' message has frequently been discussed by Joinologists as "Joinish"—his frequent use of certain forms of the Proposition are the most direct evidence. (See, for example, Matthew 8:22, when Jesus says, "Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead," obviously referring to letting the non-joiners bury their fellow non-joiners before they themselves die).
In Time Travel Theory
Some fuss has recently been made by those in JUOD who ascribe to Time Travel Theory. Two scholars have asserted that Harley P. Mathewson used his time machine to return to the age of Jesus, and compose his own narrative story describing what he saw. Over the years, the "Gospel of Mathewson" has been redacted—by scholars seeing the gospel as essentially some form of apostolic tradition—to the "Gospel of Matthew," thus making in line with one of Jesus' traditional apostles. (Others, it should be known, have identified the Gospel of John's "beloved disciple" with Mathewson, as Mathewson was probably the only one of Jesus' followers to actually understand the parables, given his utter lack of a feeble mind.)
