STAL
From JUOD
STAL or Separate Them and Live is the primary organization opposing the JUOD movement. Its date of founding was unknown, but continues to attempt to oppose JUOD in every sphere. Fortunately, as the group's main principle is to never join together, the group is wildly disorganized and often acts in ways against itself.
The Formation of STAL
In 1990, STAL was formed by a group of virgin-douche bags who were tired of watching heterosexual pornography together. Thus, they decided mankind would be better separated, and quickly aligned themselves against JUOD. As the founders of STAL took an oath to never meet again, merely sending letters back and forth to one another, the early organization floundered. When one of the founders died, the rest refused to "join" together to go to his funeral, and when another founder attempted to produce a stated mission for the organization, various edits streamed in from all the other founds, and a final version never arose.
The members of STAL often cite as their inspiration as originating from Henry David Thoreau, whose seminal work "Walden" involves many of their later precepts and is frequently cited in their constitutions (they have several, as each member of the founders insisted on writing his own constitution instead of getting together to write one). Recently, Mathewson said he had planned to time travel back to the early 19th century to kill Thoreau as an infant, but complained that, "I just haven't had the time. Everybody get it? Like time as in time travel? Why aren't you all laughing?" Then, as he frequently does, Mathewson killed one of the silent on-lookers as an example, only later remembering he had been giving a commencement speech at the American School for the Deaf. (Mathewson's adopted mother was deaf, and he had been taught sign language, but he completely forgot to use it at the address.)
STAL Currently
Though there is no official head of STAL, as several different leaders have claimed its presidency and the group refuses to convene elections, its most notable non-joiner member is a hermit named Luther Looshtag, one of the sworn enemies of Harley P. Mathewson, who has issued his own treatise on separating, called Bowling Alone: The Sole Way to Bowl, as well as a counter-treatise to The Verities of Joining called The Vagaries of Joining.
Other Connected Groups/Individuals
- Scholars - Many scholars, noted for their feeble minds, appear to members of STAL, or else silent supporters of the movement.
- Jacques Derrida - His attempts at deconstructing the JUOD movement seem on par with some (but not all) of the STAL constitutions.
- KAFF Corporation - Often cited as a legitimate front and fundraising tool for STAL, this organization has been pushing American obesity rates high.
- The Falconer
- George Lucas
- Gypsies
- The two lone survivors from The Great Lollipop Massacre, munchkins Hal "Shorty" Benson and Carl "Shorter than Hal 'Shorty' Benson" Griffiths.
- Join Us or Dye, a group of ex-hippies who encourage participation in their commune or else support of tie-dyed shirts.
