The Treasure of Harley P. Mathewson
From JUOD
The Treasure of Harley P. Mathewson is one of the more notable and mysterious treasures of all time. Its fame has probably increased due to an excessive amount of taunting Mathewson has done, daring many to follow his absurd (and often fake) clues to its location. To date, it has never been found. It supposedly consists of a collection of many of the world's treasures, gold and jewels, as well as precious manuscripts (such as two unknown plays by William Shakespeare and one of the three extant complete copies of the first volume of the The Verities of Joining, A Preface to Joining.
History
According to scholars, the treasure originated during Mathewson's quest for the Holy Grail. Mathewson had been sighted searching in many exotic locations, including the Sphinx. Though no one knows exactly how Mathewson came to find the grail, there has been much later discussion by scholars and joiners alike that Mathewson found something significant after illegally digging underneath the Sphinx. This is bolstered by a seemingly random line from TVOJ Volume XV, Hoopla, Shim-Sham & Gobbledygook, following a discussion of pants, which would later be elaborated further in Volume XX, On Pants:
The Smell is putrid underneath th' ancient Sphinx
In all Reality, it should be called the Stinx!
Scholars have guessed frequently what Mathewson could have found under the Sphinx, but it is clear that his search did not end there. Mathewson has searched for and recovered many other ancient treasures, preferring to find them and re-hide them again, making it impossible for them to be ever found (he enjoys hearing that individuals wasted their entire lives in fruitless searches). He has shown no real outward signs of this wealth besides frequently wearing ruby rings, claiming merely that "he made them out of Dorothy's slippers."
This is presumably the source of his wealth, which has been funding his adventures around the world as well as his presidential campaign. There is some debate over this, however. Proponents of Time Travel Theory argue that Mathewson's wealth actually stems from his purchase of a sports almanac in the future. According to the theory, Mathewson then returned to the present day to bet on various sporting events. This theory is corroborated by documentation that Mathewson bet $100,000 on joiner Bold Ruler to win the 1957 Preakness Stakes. Those disputing this theory rejoin that Mathewson probably would have bet on the horse anyway--given he has often called himself the "Bold Ruler of the JUOD Movement." (To note, he has also referred to himself as the "Lord Protector of Joining" and the "God of JUOD.")
Current Whereabouts
The location of Mathewson's treasure is unknown. Mathewson has released various clues, both in copies of the Verities as well as through other means. (Mathewson has been blogging recently, posting occasionally with hints. The blog is called "Try & Find My Treasure, Feeble-Minded Douches.") Many now, however, have given up following his hints, as Mathewson often only hints in New Canadianese or else purposefully tries to throw would-be treasure seekers from the trail. One clue on the back of what purported to be a map to the treasure led several treasure hunters into a landmine field in Burma, resulting in all their deaths. Mathewson is reported to have remarked that the hunters "Should not have been standing there."
External Links
"Try & Find My Treasure, Feeble-Minded Douches (Mathewson's Treasure Blog)"
